Retro Review - Slim Jim - "Macho Man" Randy Savage

It's been almost two months since Randy Poffo, or as most of the world knows him, "Macho Man" Randy Savage, passed away from a heart attack while driving his Jeep.  I had always planned to do a Retro Review on one of his Slim Jim commercials, but when tragedy struck I decided to wait a little while.  I didn't want it to take away from his death or make light of it.  I was a huge wrestling fan, and loved Savage's craziness and skills in the ring.  There's not a whole lot I can say that hasn't already been said better (mainly here by Deadspin's Masked Man), but I hope to honor the man with this Retro Review.

Back in the '90s there was a whole series of commercials for Slim Jim featuring Savage.  In each one, there would be some kids doing something boring or lame, and usually there would be some adult nitpicking or being a pain in the ass to them.  Then Macho would burst forth, Slim Jim in hand, and announce the benefits of meat sticks.  In between the proclamations of Slim Jim awesomeness Macho would bite into the Slim Jim, making a loud snapping sound, and something would explode or break.  This pretty much never varied, and even his cadence of commands remained intact throughout all of the ads.

In this particular ad, some kids are changing light bulbs in some sort of store (actually, I don't know what the hell the place is; it's like a beauty parlor crossed with an antique store or some such random shit).  The boss of the place cracks wise about their light bulb-changing struggles, and as soon as he does Macho comes crashing through the ceiling.  He croaks out his catchphrase, "Snap into a Slim Jim!" in his raspy, signature delivery, and proceeds to wreck shit with the astounding power of Slim Jim biting.  "Tear into the spice!"  Explosion.  "That beefy, juicy taste!" Shit goes flying.  "Feel the excitement!"  Electrical fire.  The dick of a boss is left cowering among the remains of his store, sparks still spraying out of outlets and broken lights.  Perhaps he'll think twice about insulting the help from now on.  Then again, since Randy was taken from us, maybe all the jackass authority figures of the world feel that they can impose their dickery on everyone with impunity, knowing that the great Macho won't be there to foil their plans.

 Macho makes an ordinary act - eating a snack - seem like the most badass activity one can engage in.  This is why Macho was a legend.  He could bring the audience, whether for wrestling, television or commercials, up to his level of crazy.  He would make otherwise sane people want to be insane, just so they could be on his level of energy.  Just watching this commercial makes me want to do a flying elbow smash off of the roof of my house and dress up in some neon tights with a cowboy hat and streamers.

Farewell, Macho.  You will be missed.  Fortunately, we have a treasure trove of your finer moments to cling to on the internet and wrestling videos.  Here's to hoping that another snack food eating, raspy-voiced, spandex-clad, catchphrase-spouting hero will descend upon us soon.  God knows we need it.

Final Grade: A (Lifetime Achievement Score)