I watch a lot of NBA basketball. I know a lot about cell phones. I listen to a pretty fair amount of hip hop. I feel pretty qualified to provide commentary on a commercial that features all three of those fields.
T-Mobile is running a bunch of commercials featuring some Rachel McAdams wannabe girl talking with various people about why T-Mobile's service is great and why their devices, like the Sidekick 4G, are sweet. The version featuring a white guy rapping rapidly is probably the most annoying of all of them.
Apparently this guy's name is Witness (I tried to think of a witty LeBron joke here but I failed. I think this commercial assaulted the part of my brain that thinks of clever wisecracks). He looks like a Lonely Island reject, only he's not as good at rapping as any of the comedians in that group. You know he sucks when T-Mobile needed to subtitle the commercial with one of those white bouncing ball effects (reminiscent of what MTV did with another shitty white rapper, Snow) just so the general audience could understand what he's saying. What's worse is that even with the subtitles he still doesn't say all of the words (reference the "see the Heat on replay part - fucking terrible).
He also dresses like the spawn of Missy Elliott and a hipster dipshit and looks like he's in pain as he recites his unintelligible basketball lyrics. Seriously, outside of Lil Jon and hardcore bands have you ever seen someone look so uncomfortable while performing?
While this stupid asshole ruins all of the progress that Eminem has made in the arena of Caucasian emceeing, the girl does a really lame dance/bounce movement and smiles widely, apparently highly impressed by what she's seeing and hearing. I don't have a lot to say about her because she doesn't really do much outside of looking stupid and thinking that this dude is cool.
I'm also not going to bother going into a lot of detail explaining how much T-Mobile sucks as a wireless company (they do), or how their 4G network is nonsense (it is), or how the Sidekick is an inferior device (it's not 2006 anymore). This isn't a geeky tech website, it's a geeky television commercial website, so I'll spare you all further commentary on cell phone stuff.
Lastly, I hate the guy even more because from what I can tell by reading the bottom of the screen he's a Miami Heat fan. It could have been worse, say the Lakers, but I detest the Heat with all that I am. Either that, or because Dwyane Wade (I always misspell his first name wrong on the first try - although I think in fairness to me I think Dwayne is right and his parents were wrong) is a T-Mobile pitchman this guy feels compelled to support his co-worker.
I will leave you with a legitimate, fast rapping white fella, hailing from, of all places, Cleveland, Ohio. Here's to hoping that AT&T's buyout of T-Mobile happens sooner than later and that they don't retain the employees that developed this commercial.
Final Grade: F
truth.
ReplyDelete