I'm going to go ahead and get a disclaimer out of the way: I'm going to be extremely harsh to Maria Bamford, comedian and star of this commercial, even though from everything I've seen (the Comedians of Comedy, in particular) she is a perfectly nice lady and able comic. But I can't let this atrocity of a television commercial slide.
As I've written before, I have quite a history with big-box retail stores and Black Friday nonsense. Some of that will probably be obvious as I critique this shit-heap, but any objective, non-retail experienced citizen would have to acknowledge how goddamn stupid this commercial is.
Maria Bamford is known for doing characters, and some of them are actually quite good. She did an Alicia Keys bit on the aforementioned Comedians of Comedy tour that was pretty hilarious. What she's doing in this commercial is another character, and although intentionally over the top, it's still an awful one.
While the premise is to demonstrate that people are fucking nuts when it comes to getting good deals and are fueled by the insane social significance and bragging rights that come with doing the whole Black Friday shopping experience, it is also supposed to make us think that Target has such good shit for sale that we all should be training year-around in order to obtain all of it.
Now, I haven't made the effort to search for a copy of Target's ad and see if any of the stuff is truly can't-miss, but they could be giving away actual working lightsabers for $5 and I still wouldn't drag my ass to the store to wait in line for hours and fight the jackasses who think this shit is cool.
Before I shred Bamford, Target and everything that happens in this ad, let me mention the one thing they got right. Using the Rocky IV training song. That song is so awesome it almost makes the commercial tolerable. In fact, if they just ran a plain red screen with a white Target bullseye and the words "Target. Black Friday. Good shit cheap. Be ready." or something along those lines I would love it as long as the soundtrack was the Rocky IV training song. Another alternative: play the actual Rocky IV training scene and put Black Friday ad text on the screen. I know it makes zero sense, but fuck it, it seems to work for Subway.
So the ad begins with Maria doing some crunches and curling a shopping basket full of stuff, all the while grunting disgustingly and making exaggerated faces. She's marking off the days on her calendar until Black Friday, and practicing speed-wrapping presents.
The present wrapping part helps to remind me that gift bags are the greatest wrapping method around. Whenever I wrap presents they end up looking like a 3-year old did the job, and since the paper ends up being a nuisance anyway I avoid wrapping in the event my purchases will fit inside a gift bag. Maybe if I ever have kids I'll change my mind, but more likely I'll just have my baby mama do all the preparation while I focus on more important things like cursing on the internet about TV commercials and throwing Xbox controllers against my wall.
The most heinous moment comes about 10 seconds in as Maria hideously gasps and moans about whatever she sees in the sales insert. At that moment I want to throw an Xbox controller directly at her face. It would be the type of throw that causes the controller to fully explode, not some minor league nerd-rage shit where the sticks get stuck pointing in one direction or a button won't work afterwards. The kind of throw that a combination of internet lag and people using shotguns on Call of Duty would bring out of me.
The commercial goes on and on with Maria doing her Target version of P-90X, and she looks in the mirror and says, in one of her character voices, "You will win this." Look, I'm all about competition, but if you are looking at buying cheap shit on the day after Thanksgiving as a situation that has winners and losers then you are automatically a loser. Give up on life now, because you are going to live an unsatisfied, hollow existence.
I recommend you all do what I'm going to do on Black Friday - watch college football and recover from a hangover. Stay the hell out of these stores and help make the employees lives a tiny bit more enjoyable.
Final Grade: F
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As they say in Hollywood, casting is 80% of the work. Since 2009, Target has chosen the hometown celeb (okay, she's from Duluth, close enough) to help create commercials that could run nationally. They needed something that would catch people's attention and entertain, all without offending. Ideally, like all advertisers, they wanted people to react to their commercials; and it worked--they even got you blogging about it. Anyway, just like the rest of us, Maria likes to eat and keep a roof over her head, so she accepted the job and gave it her best shot, considering the constraints. Besides, she's promoting Target, not herself.
ReplyDeleteFinally someone who speaks my mind about this annoying ass commercial..and what the hell is she wearing?? HATE IT!! Oh and looking forward to your opinion of the singing Christmas card Target commercial she made...OMG!! AWFUL!! What is that, rum tummy tum...rum tummy tum...HO HO HO...God awful!!
ReplyDeleteI loved it! Each commercial she has made for Target was absolutely hilarious. I haven't seen the "card commercial" in a while and have been wondering what happened to it. 5 thumbs up!
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