Man, oh man, do I love me some Charles Barkley. Ever since I read his 76ers-era biography Outrageous in middle school I knew I wanted to be as much like Sir Charles as possible. The book was filled with f-bombs and plenty of taking the Lord's name in vain. It was also the first time I heard a superstar athlete flat-out publicly shit-talk the opposition. Barkley didn't hide his feelings toward anyone. His seemingly unpredictable nature that makes him so endearing on TNT's NBA coverage was at one time legitimate unpredictability. When Charles was arrested for throwing a harassing fan through a plate glass in window in 1997, he was asked if he had any regrets about the situation:
"Yeah, I regret we weren't on a higher floor."
So, when Taco Bell decided to use "The Round Mound of Rebound" in their commercial campaign last year I was thrilled. I'm not sure you can call what he's doing in this commercial "rapping," but it sure as hell isn't singing, and since it rhymes I'm not sure talking is the right word either. Charles' trademark southern drawl is on full display, and I can't begin to imagine how many takes they must have gone through to get the finished product. I would guess the director chose this one because, while it's certainly not good, he probably couldn't get Chuck to do any better.
Lyrically, the song has some brilliantly nonsensical dialogue (my favorite: "A cheesy gordita, crunch to munch"). It's sort of a play on Dr. Suess-style children's rhymes, but with basketball terms thrown in. I don't know what the hell "it rocks for a fox" means, but I'm pretty sure I like it. And it gives me the idea that if foxes like $5 boxes and Charles Barkley, well, I probably like foxes.
Visually, this commercial is a fucked up acid trip combination of Fear and Loathing and a Tim Burton movie. Chuck's house is apparently an old school mansion with a locker for a front door and a phone booth for a foyer. Pretty fucking weird, huh? That's nothing, though; once he gets outside we see a bleak skyed neighborhood with a Taco Bell on the corner across from the phone booth and basketball hoops hanging at all heights and angles on the various buildings.
That's not Dali enough for you? How about the aforementioned fox (or at least a guy in a fox mascot costume, inconceivably wearing a New Jersey Nets #1 jersey) literally blocking the shot of a guy with dreadlocks, as stated in the lyrics? From there we get to see some angel-winged cheerleaders (what the fuck? Is this some sort of afterlife where tacos reign supreme and Charles Barkley runs shit? If so, count me in) and a blimp in the discolored sky.
As Chuck exits the fucked up afterlife neighborhood, he, against all logic and reason, enters a velvet-roped red carpet runway where the discolored sky has been replaced by a standard black, starry night sky. Charles gets assistance from an announcer who may or may not be Dick Stockton (he flashes by too quickly to tell and doesn't have enough dialogue to conclusively determine the voice) and Lamar Odom of the Lakers. Why the hell Lamar Odom is in there, I have no idea. Apparently, the 6th man on the league's most glamourous franchise was either all they felt they needed or all they could afford.
I've rambled for too long, but every time I see this commercial I see more and more shit that I can't fathom. I just know that because of this I consciously decided to buy massive quantities of Taco Bell items (although not the box, because I like the freedom that a la carte ordering provides). Well done, Chuck. Well done, Taco Bell.
Final Grade: A
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